HI. My name is Louie. Welcome to my blog. I am a grown up baby.

My whole life, I've prided myself on being a kid at heart, in reality confusing this with being downright immature - in other words - a big baby, which now makes me a 56 year old baby man.

Check back from time to time, to watch as little Louie grows up. Kind of like watching Santa Claus fade away into oblivion or the 'tooth fairy' falling out of the sky. Bummer.




I guess it takes what it takes to grow up. I'm a little slower than some - OK, a lot slower (56 at the time of this writing) and may only be around 18 emotionally, but it's a good start. To be honest, I'm still not real keen on the idea of growing up, most days preferring to escape on grand adventures, in my head. And therin lies the difference - why Louie's finally growing up - today, these 'great escapes' are in my head and I'm not heading out the door with a backpack.

This blog chronicles a lifetime of insanity, in the truest sense of the word - BiPolar disorder, manic depression it used to be called. I am an outspoken advocate for mental health, freely describing my experience, strength and hope with anyone that's interested.

Many of these blog posts are from people that have written to me, many suffering emotional distress. All of these writings come from the heart, most of which are raw and unedited. If you are of the overly sensitive disposition - you might want to steer clear.

If you really wannna have some fun ... check this out ... www.dailygooddog.com

I do hope you enjoy my rantings. This is therapy for me, and a journal that shows me that I am, in fact, maturing - proving at long last to ex-wives, that it is possible even though pigs don't fly.

Louie Rochon



Thursday, May 3, 2007

JOY ... An Interesting Side Effect

Four months now ... free of the crippling symptoms of depression and anxiety, I am realizing an incredible side effect of sanity - Joy!

Being born again, or for that matter - being born, has resulted in a newly emerging realization ... that I can simply be, and be-ing is enough. More than enough. Many people might find this ridiculous, as I suppose most people already realize this. This has not been my life reality and it is nothing less than a miracle, for me.

Suffering from overwhelming depression and anxiety resulting in low self esteem, has fueled a life long struggle for 'normalcy.' I never felt like I was enough, feeling empty and dissapointed, regardless of the grandeur of my latest attempt to find some measure of personal esteem. After each Grand Adventure, after in inevitable let-down, eventually I would find the strength to re-double my efforts aimed at the next scheme, always resulting in the void of inadequacy.

Finally, after so many years of struggling, losing all hope - I was set free. I had found a solution to life-long depression. For the past four months, I have nevously charted my daily moods, waiting for the other shoe to drop - waiting for the choking black fog to smother the life out of me, again. This has not happened. I have been set free. I am so grateful for my new life.

In my daily journaling, I have discovered a fascinating side effect of my new freedom - Joy! Perhaps similar to the often reported rebirth of spirit from those surviving a near death experience, I have been given an entirely new perspective, an awakening of sorts. It is as if I had been blind since birth and this new light of life, often uncomfortably bright, offers up to me, a world previously gone unnoticed, unnapreciated. I had been totally unconscious - asleep.

Each new day, I awaken, in awe, of the beauty that surrounds me, amazed at the depth and abundance of life. No longer am I bound to endless projects, desperate pursuits for meaning and personal value. I am discovering that I Am Enough and always have been. I am discovering the immense satisfaction derived from the freedom of endless action as the means to an impossible end.

Today I am free to smell the roses and do so, constantly. Today, I find great joy in the previously invisble vibrancy of life, the richness of sight, sound and touch that surrounds me. My days are long and happy and joyous, success lying in the actual be-ing of each precious moment. Finally, I Am Enough. Thank You God.
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