HI. My name is Louie. Welcome to my blog. I am a grown up baby.

My whole life, I've prided myself on being a kid at heart, in reality confusing this with being downright immature - in other words - a big baby, which now makes me a 56 year old baby man.

Check back from time to time, to watch as little Louie grows up. Kind of like watching Santa Claus fade away into oblivion or the 'tooth fairy' falling out of the sky. Bummer.




I guess it takes what it takes to grow up. I'm a little slower than some - OK, a lot slower (56 at the time of this writing) and may only be around 18 emotionally, but it's a good start. To be honest, I'm still not real keen on the idea of growing up, most days preferring to escape on grand adventures, in my head. And therin lies the difference - why Louie's finally growing up - today, these 'great escapes' are in my head and I'm not heading out the door with a backpack.

This blog chronicles a lifetime of insanity, in the truest sense of the word - BiPolar disorder, manic depression it used to be called. I am an outspoken advocate for mental health, freely describing my experience, strength and hope with anyone that's interested.

Many of these blog posts are from people that have written to me, many suffering emotional distress. All of these writings come from the heart, most of which are raw and unedited. If you are of the overly sensitive disposition - you might want to steer clear.

If you really wannna have some fun ... check this out ... www.dailygooddog.com

I do hope you enjoy my rantings. This is therapy for me, and a journal that shows me that I am, in fact, maturing - proving at long last to ex-wives, that it is possible even though pigs don't fly.

Louie Rochon



Friday, March 2, 2007

An Awakening - Freedom from life-long Depression

From journal entry 3/07 ...

Still riding the high of no highs and no lows - VERY strange sensation, just kind of going about doing your life - VERY strange! But I gotta say, I kind of like it. Never thought I would or could. I used to always compare people that just went about doing life in balance to mediocricy, condemning it for it's lack of passion and spark, when now looking back, seems like simply another means of coping, explaining away my lack of being able to live balanced, stuck in that hyper or dead state.

I really can't describe what it is I'm feeling - kind of like waking up yet not remembering what it was ever like to be awake before I fell asleep - I guess you could say it's more like being born again, with little memory of the first life. All I can do is go about living in it, one day at a time yet without the enormous handicap of anxiety and depression to cope with, as if a ten ton monkey just jumped off my back. It's like smiling at the world for the first few times after you have just had your braces taken off - a little scared, a little self conscious, feeling as if the whole world will notice that you are the new kid in the class and that they MUST all be staring but a harder look and you see, they don't even notice - which makes me think, how good I have become at pretending to blend in, as if I was apart of 'them'. More coping skills to mask a life snuffing illness.

A lot of world to rediscover. New feelings. New sensations and I mean - brand spanking new!

Perhaps it is this immediate contrast that is so difficult to adjust to - as if you were hidden in a cave for 50 years and you got used to this cave and almost suddenly - this bright light shines on you and you leave this cave, to find a entirely new world, a world that you physically resided in, yet weren't apart of, a world that makes no sense when considering old sensitivities. A world worth adjusting to.

Hard to trust what is real, and having faith that it may last - maybe, hope-fully. I can't imagine the horror of having to go back into that dark, choking hell, having tasted the fresh air of freedom. I can't imagine the horror. I can't. I won't. I will only move forward, one day at a time, the same way I have managed to survive 50 years, doing the best I can with what I have to work with and be grateful that today, I have been given the gift of life.

I've earned this gift - I've paid the price, for freedom, for life. I want to stay.

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