Helping a Fallen Friend Get Up

When I created today's 'Daily Good Dog Feeding,' I thought of a friend of mine that has been kind of down. I wrote her a note and thought it expressed a lot of how I believe so ... here it is in my blog (name changed). I've included the entire email message (including the daily good dog message, as I think it all ties together).

Dear Jane,

This Good Dog's for you. I've written a few things to you after the messages.
Be kind to Jane today. There are a lot of us who love her.
Louie

Waking Up!
Is It Time to Make Some Changes?
Part Four of Five

It is your turn now,
you waited, you were patient.

The time has come,
for us to polish you.

We will transform your inner pearl
into a house of fire.

You're a gold mine.

Did you know that,
hidden in the dirt of the earth?

It is your turn now,
to be placed in fire.

Let us cremate your impurities.

Rumi

“What would it be like if you lived each day, each breath, as a work of art in
progress? Imagine that you are a Masterpiece unfolding, every second of every
day, a work of art taking form with every breath.”
Thomas Crum

“What we are here to do is to meet and become the person we
are.“
Andrew Harvey from Dialogues With a Modern Mystic

“And let me remind you, it is a pure journey.
Life is a pilgrimage to
nowhere -- from nowhere to nowhere.
And between these two nowheres
is
the now-here.
Nowhere consists of two words: now, here.
Between these
two nowheres is the now-here.”
Osho

Dear Jane,

I could so relate to what you shared with me yesterday. I have spent my whole lifetime feeling hopeless and terminally unique with little to no self esteem, tormented with insecurities and self medicating with anything that would help me to forget, me. I don't feel that way these days. This didn't happen overnight, but knowing what I now know, I could have, saving me decades of suffering. Good Dog is a powerful example of what I am talking about.

All the tools, prayer, meditation, fellowship, books, etc., couldn't help put poor broken humpty dumpty back together again. I believe prayer opened the door for a miracle, but I would learn it is up to me to make the changes I wanted so desperately. I wanted, and needed change yet felt hopeless and was too afraid of the process. I would justify my inaction with inner thoughts like, "I'm not worth the effort,' "I'm useless, worth-less." and "Why bother trying? Nothing ever really changes and life is just pure shit." This was my world, for most of my life. I am only now discovering some answers thru the process of writing my book "A Long Walk Home" about the cross country walk (actually it is about lifelong depression, specifically manic depression).

I believe we can all change into whatever it is that we want to change into. That said, I also believe that we are perfect, and I mean perfect, RIGHT NOW. Everything that we could possible ever desire in life, is right here, right now. Look around you. Take a good hard look. No wonder we all search frantically, our whole lives, yet can't find happiness - it's hiding right in front of us, all around us. Eckhart Tolle helped lay the foundation of my new belief system (The Power of Now), teaching me that bliss is here and now, in this present moment (notice the last Good Dog message). This became a way of life, showing me the real serenity and peace of mind that exists for all of us, right here and now.

It is all about acceptance of the present moment, without expectation. Life is good, calm, peaceful right here and now, pain-free, even for you, right here, right now. What is so painful, this very second, as you read my letter to you? Nothing! You, if you choose to be present, can feel the love and compassion of one person for another, and there are so many more 'invisible' people that surround us every moment of every day. What's painful about that? Nothing. I used the word 'invisible' as your friends and loved ones, and future friends and loved ones, might as well be invisible as we walk around stuck in our pain and suffering, totally oblivious to all that is good and wonderful, focused intently and exclusively on our problems and petty plans for altering our present situation into something that will make us happy - which of course, can never happen.

The minute you think of your perception of your life situation, it is easy to immediately plummet back into the depth of emotional hell, either regretting the past or being forever stuck visualizing a better future, a better now in the future, a plan for self salvation somewhere ahead of us - a fantasy.

The only time and place we can be happy, is right here, right now. So, I can say to you, my friend, be happy, feel some peace of mind, if only for the 3 minutes it takes you to read this letter of loving support. Then, if you choose, take this Good Dog approach out into the world with you, become "AWAKE" (notice the headline to this series of Dogs) and avail yourself to the present moment which is overflowing with beauty, just for you. You can change you life situation, but the only way you can is in the present moment. Accept. Then make your grand plans BUT please don't fprget to enjoy the ride. It's the only one you get and it IS rich and beautiful. Take out your gratitude list (WHAT, no updated gratitude list)?

Come alive, in the present. Make plans for change, in the present, if you wish. Make changes, in the present, if you wish. Find peace of mind, love, serenity and the joy of living, in the present, if you wish.

God Bless Us All.

Louie

ABOUT 'Daily Good Dog Feedings'

A friend shared a story with me about a meeting he once had with a Native American elder. This story had a great impact on me. The elder told my friend that his people believe that we all have, within us, a 'Good Dog' and a 'Bad Dog,' that are always fighting to be in control. My friend asked, "Which One Wins?"
The elder simply replied, "The One That You Feed."
_______________________

I started researching and sending out a daily inspirational message to my son as well as to reinforce the 'Good Dog' in me. Thinking my friends might find it of value, I added some people. Soon, it took on a life of it's own. This simple story, from my friend, has grown into something that has greatly improved the quality of my life and from what I hear, from people from all over the planet. What a blessing.
Want to be added to the list? Email me ...

uswalker3@hotmail.com

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Louie Links . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
ART WORKS in Progress: http://picasaweb.google.com/uswalker/EarthMANTheSculpture
(revised) BIO and WEB Site: http://rochonsculpture.artspan.com/mbr_bio.php
PICTURES: http://picasaweb.google.com/uswalker
(revised) BLOG: http://www.uswalker3.blogspot.com/

How Do You Help Those With Depression?

I received an email from a man, living somewhere in Europe, that had picked up my name in one of the sites that I post on for mental illness (there are four I routinely visit and post for my own sanity and support as well as to spread hope and inspiration to others). Thought I'd share some of this letter and my response. I get so many letters/emails from frustrated loving caring people that are desperate to find help for their loved ones with undiagnosed (or diagnosed, untreated) mental illness. I hope this provides some helpful suggestions. It's hard NOT to take it personally but you must take care of yourself first (addressed further on).

Dear Louie,

Thank you so much for your insights on your coping with bp2. (BiPolar II). The letter that you posted on a message board and your blog have been the most touching information I have ever found from a man having bipolar disorder. I will print it out and keep it with me so that it will remind me everytime I feel low in thinking about my friend who has bp.

I hope you are well despite the ups and downs but you seem to have an amazing positive attitude and a gift of touching many hearts with bringing your inner awareness.


Louie, may I ask you some advice?
I am struggling with my female friend who is 52 years old. We had an amazing time and liked each other so much. Then I noticed she went manic (bp2 hypomania) and after that crashed into depression. She cut me off completely and wrote to me that she wanted to stop and went into hiding, she confessed to me. I did mail her occasionaly with comforting words. And for her birthday I left her a present on her doorstep. Her reaction was furious with anger and told me to STOP contacting her. Her words were even threatening. She was probably in her worst state but I do know she goes to work everyday and has some anger problems there as well from what i heard.


...Is there anything you may suggest me doing like sending another email or perhaps letter? Should I bring the matter up? You write in your messages to not give up but I do not know what to do or if it it wise to contact cause he said no contact. As a bp what would you have liked from your friend to do or should I do nothing? I care for her and do not like it to be over although I am willing to let her go forever if that would be best. I find it hard not to take it personally.


Thank you Louie for your time reading this and I wish you peace and happiness.


Warm regards,


Mr. Anonymous

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Hello ________,

Lots of BIG issues here, and uncertainty. Where do we start? First of all, the obvious ... I am not a professional counselor. I AM however, a very experienced survivor of manic depression (BiPolar disorder, II). I'll give your concerns a shot ....

1. Is your friend self medicating? Alcohol or drugs?

2. I am very outspoken and transparent about my lifetime path of mental illness. I write extensively about it in my Blogs, BIO and postings on 4 mental illness sites. This helps my recovery and apparently helps others to find some relief and recovery from their disease as well. Please feel free to read some of the links below (BIO, then some BLOGS, if you'd like).

BIO: http://rochonsculpture.artspan.com/mbr_bio.php

BLOGS: http://www.uswalker3.blogspot.com/

Some people have sent my BIO to their friends/family and it has resulted in them (the person suffering from the yet undiagnosed disease) to relate with my story. Sometimes this gives them self-permission to explore it more honestly for themselves, without the usual guilt and shame we feel about being 'defective, broken, dirty.'

I NOW know, of course, that we are not defective, lacking in moral or spiritual character, and that we have a disease, a treatable disease. I would suggest that this one aspect of mental illness, the stigma, holds more people back from getting help than anything else, maybe even guessing that it results in most suicides. I've so been there before, a number of times. I can't speak for others, but I can sure tell you that I felt ashamed and embarassed, not to mention feeling all of the symptoms of the disease itself - overwhelmed, dramatic up and down mood swings and horrendous depression. I had such tunnel vision, I felt like the only thing I could see in my world was what was directly in front of me, distorted through a long dark grey tunnel.

Isolating and self medicating were my solutions. I hung on to my dirty little secret for decades, using alcohol, food, drugs, cigarettes, workaholism, and the list goes on and on. It took a long time, a life time, before I could/would reach out for help. I had to 'reach bottom,' before I would have the strength to be direct enough and take the risks necessary for me to get help. I hit rock bottom, a number of times; hell, I used to bounce all over the bottom. Eventually, as you will read in my BIO, I found help, but even that road to recovery was filled with potholes and self constructed barriers. It takes what it takes, I guess.

All we can do is move forward from where we are right now. I am always willing to talk with someone that wants help. But it's important that whoever it is that wants help, comes to me. I don't ever want to violate a persons trust or space. I know, all to well, how critically important that space can be, for their perceived survival.

To self educate yourself, another site I would highly recommend, which is very good, is ...

http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/quick%20summary.htm ...

Check it out. The doctor that mantains this site is an expert in BiPolar

disorders and doesn't talk down to you ... very informative.

Also, I write a daily inspirational emailing entitled "Daily Good Dog Feeding," and would be happy to add you to that daily mailing, if you'd like. Often, forwarding them to people like your friend is a friendly way of introducing me (my candid intimate story of mental illness) to them, without getting right into their face. Let me know, if you'd like me to add you to the list?

Email me directly and ask to be added to "Daily Good Dog Feedings."

uswalker3@hotmail.com

One more thing ... I'd challenge you to look at YOUR intentions in all this. You had mentioned that it's hard NOT to take this personally. I think it's very important that you take care of yourself. I KNOW, for a fact, that it seemed like the people that were attracted to me, where the co-dependent type. I loved them. I needed them. They made it OK for me to be sick and stay sick ... and they would always be there for me, I thought. Wrong!

Eventually my subconscious mind, my mental illness disease would have to win out and end the relationship, push the other person out of my life for one of two reasons .... 1) because I had enough decency to end it because I cared about whoever it was and knew I would take them down and/or 2) I would lose respect for them; the old WC Fields quote, "I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member,' mentality.

I'd highly recommend 'Alanon' for YOU, to get the support you will need. It's a great program and is in everry country in the world. It helped me a great deal to help my own son with his alcohol addiction and depression. It helps you to detach with love and be stronger for them and yourself.

What else can you do? Pray. Ask the God of your understanding, for help. He will be there for you and your friend.

God Bless Us All.

Louie R (uswalker)

Daily GOOD DOG Feedings - The Story

It is one of those stories that can change your life, forever, igniting a spark of hope and offering up a powerfully effective yet simple technique. The story of the Good Dog has changed my life forever and as you will see, the lives of many others around the world.

The Story of how 'Daily Good Dog Feedings' Started.

Often, when I'm suffering from my mental illness, (Bi-Polar II), mania and depression, when hope fades into desperation, I pray, No, I plead with God to listen to hear me, to help relieve me of my suffering ... yet, I hear nothing but that maddeing silence.

This story is about how God answered my pleading prayer, not only giving me hope and strength but also giving me the idea of lighting a single candle that has already lit thousands of other's candles all over this planet, providing a little daily flicker of hope that others can light their own candles and find their way out of the dark.

Ok, back to the story ... sorry, I do get a bit manic when I write ...

About a year ago, I was undergoing a particularly bad bout of debilitating depression, hiding it from those around me, as usual, while dying inside. I was at an alcohol support meeting when someone shared a simple story. My life has never been the same since then.

Funny how there are times, when you hear something that sticks, that becomes a permanent foundation on which you can rebuild your entire life. Perhaps I was at a place in my life that I was worn out and ready to listen. That day, God answered my pleading prayer, through one guy, that I had not seen before or since that meeting, one of my angels - there have been many!

Finally ... The Story that Changed My Life, Forever ...


ABOUT 'Daily Good Dog Feedings'

A Native American Elder told a story about his people believe that we all have, within us, a 'Good Dog' and a 'Bad Dog,' that are always fighting to be in control.

My friend asked him, "Which One Wins?"

The elder simply replied, "The One That You Feed."

My anonymous angel shared that story with me in January of 2007. At the time of hearing it, I thought, "Cool story, after 20 years around this place, it's amazing to hear something I've never heard before." That was it, just a simple story that I thought was pretty cool. I filed it into my brain with all the other clutter accumulated from 54 years of mostly useless thinking and went about trying to survive another day of my life.

That very next morning (mornings are the hardest time for my depression) I seemed to be especially aware of my thoughts. I watched as my mind instantly went towards fear, dread and self hate; it's as if I was watching myself watching myself and condemning myself.

My depression, especially when mixed with extreme mania at the same time, can cause me to feel disconnected, totally fragmented from my-self (whatever self is) and the rest of the world. That morning was especially harsh, feeling as I was hovering over myself, watching this pathetic human parasite in that dirty bathrobe smoking a cigarette and filled with hate and disgust and anguish of feeling so alone. I was angry at God for feeling like such a victim for having to endure this kind of pain. You get the picture ... it was a pretty typical morning for me.

Normally, it would take a full pot of coffee and a 1/2 pack of smokes before I could start making a meager plan for coping through the day. This was my life, trying to figure out how I could hide from everyone around me, for an entire day, pretending like I was normal, until I could close the door to my room, alone, put on my dirty bathrobe and finally, feel a sense of relief in closing off the world, until morning. And it would start over again.

Every single morning, day after painful day, it would start over again like a perverted mentally ill version of 'Groundhogs Day.' This was, my life. But this morning was a morning unlike any other morning I had ever experienced. This morning something would change my life forever ... back to the story ...

That January morning, slumped in a chair, sucking coffee and cigs in my dirty bathrobe, suddenly a thought, a clear thought (that's a novelty in and of itelf) came to mind. The story of the 'Good Dog vs. Bad Dog' popped into my foggy little mind as well as the words of Eckhart Tolle.

Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now, which I had studied for years trying desperately to find relief, asserts that ... Emotions are Caused by Our Thoughts and Our Thoughts come from What We Think and What We Think is Determined by What We CHOOSE to Think!

That's what God was telling me through my angel and his story of the Dog, and through my memories of the words of Tolle ... that I have the power of choice of how I feel. "Oh Sure I do," I thought, "Right!."

"OK," I thought, "I'll give this a try. Like what do I have to lose?" At first, trying to think of something positive when I had grown morbidly accustomed to the gloom and doom of endless years of depression, seemed impossible. Yet the concept of the Dog made so much sense to me. I had to reach for some hope. I was watching myself die.

I forced myself to make a mental 'Gratitude List,' something I had done over the years with success, when I remembered to do it. It was like trying to turn around the Titanic, after it had sunk, but I tried, God knows I tried to think of things that I was grateful for, yet I was filled with such self hate, fear, rage, and fragmented thinking, gratitudes just wouldn't come. After a few minutes of pointing my head in one direction with one pointed intention, I did manage to scribble down a few things I was grateful for. I was really surprised at how difficult it was. 'Normies' may not understand just what a dark tunnel vision you have when trying to be invisible and survive. It takes all of your concentration, a rare commodity in the first place.

Within minutes, I noticed that my depression was 'different' ... not as overwhelming, still there and very powerful, but not taking me over completely. I had managed to alter my mood, slightly, not nevertheless, changed for the better. My fellow BP's; please don't think I am minimizing this disease, that all we need do it 'think happy thoughts.' If it were that simple, there would be no mental illness. We would all be walking around, holding hands, singing, "La, La, La, La, La, oh what a beautiful day." I am saying, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that this technique, this forceful choice of mine, helped, a lot!

As the weeks went on, forcing myself to listen to the Good Dog and forcing myself to stay firmly planted in the present moment, as best I could, I was noticing a change, a BIG CHANGE in depression, on a more permanent basis. I was still getting help, medically, but I believe that this mental trick, this forcing my head to focus on something positive, worked and worked better and better each day.

Running out of positive thoughts and things to be grateful for, I started reading and researching to find life affirming quotes, poems and short stories, creating a large collection of quote books, poems, chronicling some of the greatest of thinkers in the history of mankind. Why reinvent what has already been figured out, through the ages. Why not learn something from those that have trudged before us, trying to figure out this thing, called life.

I started writing them down as I searched for positive 'Good Dog' reinforcement. Then I started emailing them to my son, who said he was having some depression. I would research and put together a daily email with a combination of quotes, short stories or poems and send them out with the title ... 'Daily Good Dog Feedings.'

Before long, word spread like wildfires, as people forwarded these 'Daily Good Dog Feedings' to their friends and family. As I am writing this to you today, there are thousands of people from all over the world that are receiving the Dog, which I affectionately call it today.

I am in contact with dozens of people, every day. I am making friends with people I have never met, yet feel a bond as strong as those of close friends, why ... because we understand each other. We are survivors and we are all in the same lifeboat together. We need to help each other, not to merely survive, but to get stronger and live, to recover from a disease that can be managed, if we choose to recover.

Anyway, I'm rambling cause I'm pretty manic today but hey, rather ramble on about something positive than hide in bed, beating myself up.

I have spent my entire life in this painfully lonely dark place; the insanity of mental illness. I'm done suffering! If I suffer now, it's my choice because today I have tools and I use them. I have my Good Dog choice, my doctor and medications as well as many other tools I can use if I CHOOSE to heal.

Today I choose life and today life is sweet, even though there are painful episodes from time to time. I know they will pass. Today, even the pain feels good as it reminds me that I'm alive. I'm not going back into hell. I've been there and it's not all that it's cracked up to be. Hope you decide to join me. Recovery is not for whimps!

God Bless Us All, We Deserve It.

Louie (uswalker) http://rochonsculpture.artspan.com/mbr_bio.php

NOTE: I am happy to share the 'Daily Good Dog Feeding' with anyone that wants it ... just email me at uswalker3@hotmail.com I am doing this for two reasons, first because this daily practice keeps me alive and secondly, because it feels really great to be able to help others. It's an awesome feeling that makes me feel useful, productive and finally finding meaning in life - helping others and getting out of myself.